Preparing For Someday, Part 7:What Is He Looking For?

"I'm not thinking about marriage now, but if I were, the first thing would be, 'is she a genuine Christian?'

So, I would question her and ask her friends and family about her lifestyle. If she is a genuine Christian then it would be time to look for good personality traits. 

What I would look for would be mainly honesty. Not just in what she says, but in what she does. I also would look for self respect. I would also like it when a girl is not afraid to speak her mind about how she feels and what she wants. On the other hand, I like shy also, so it's a combination of being shy, but knowing when you need to say something. 

Also, I would see how submissive she is, and whether she would let me be a man and not try to wear the pants in the house. And how attractive she is lol. It doesn't matter how you look; it's the heart that matters. Bonuses would be that we have a lot in common; beauty on the outside and inside; we would like a lot of the same music; plays piano; sings; a technology freak; and likes to stay in shape."

A friend of mine wrote the list above about what he wants in the girl that he will eventually marry. Pretty interesting, huh? Not your typical, "I want to marry a pretty girl who's a good cook."

There's nothing wrong with being pretty or a good cook. Those things are important, too. God is more important, though. Your relationship with Him is more important than what you look like, what kind of meals you make and what kind of housekeeper you are.

Today we want to talk about how to be the kind of girl that a good guy would want to marry. First we'll talk about practical things, then spiritual ones.

1)Can you cook? I'm not talking about frozen pizza, or Ramen noodles, or things like that. I'm talkin' full meals. Steak, mashed potatoes, gravy, green beans?? Could you cook any of those things?

Who would want to marry a girl that can't cook? I've heard of that happening. Poor guys. That's all I can say. Poor, poor guys.

Girls, if you plan to get married, learn to cook. Please! You'll be glad you did. I'm learning right along with you. I know how to make a couple of meals right now, although I usually go back to the same two: tacos (or nachos) or fried chicken. :) But chicken is my favorite food ever, and tacos are super easy, so that's why.

2)Can you add, subtract, multiply and divide? (Negative,here). One time Mom set me loose in Wal-Mart and said, "Okay, go get these groceries, and I want you to keep a running total. When we get up to the front, I want you to know about how much we're going to be spending." I did, and my total was only 2 dollars over what we ended up paying. I rounded up to the 50th cent on every dollar we spent.

Simple math is important. As much as I hate math, I have to admit that I will always use it. Whether I'm paying bills, buying groceries, teaching my kids...I'll always use it.

3)Can you run a home? This encompasses more than you might think. Last month my younger brother was in the hospital for 5 days, and Mom was with him for the most part. I was in charge of the house. I had a little help from Daddy and my brothers who got the kitchen all cleaned while I was gone one morning.

I was in charge of the cooking, the cleaning, the laundry, the kids...whew...when Mom and Jamie got home, I was so relieved. :) The day after they got home, I slept until 10:30! I was worn out.

But when she got home, [most of] the laundry was clean, the refrigerator was cleaned out, the counters were clean, and the kids were clean. It wasn't easy, but it gave me a good look at what running a house looks like. And it honestly freaked me out a little. It was hard! There were moments when I just wanted to sit down and cry. But that's reality. So work on your housekeeping skills.

So those are some practical things that a guy should look for in a girl that he is thinking about marrying. 

Some spiritual things are:

1)What does her relationship with God look like? Is it evident that she loves Him? How far would she be willing to go to serve Him? 

I think about that one a lot. What if I marry someone who is called to the mission field? What if I end up marrying a pastor? My life could be radically changed. How would I react to that? 

For me, I'm working on not getting too attached to one thing. One house, one town, one city, one state, one boy, one car...that kind of thing. Attachment will only make things harder in the long run.

2)Can you forgive and forget? 

This is a pride issue for me. I don't forgive easily. And it's so hard for me to ask for forgiveness. But this is huge in a marriage.  

When Thomas and Becca got married on Saturday, I absolutely loved something she said in her vows to him. She said, quite simply, "Sometimes I'll be no good." Wow. It hit me right between the eyes. She totally understands that there are going to be times when she has to beg his forgiveness and will let him down. 

A friend of ours sent Becca a wedding card, and in it said that the best marriage advice she could give is to never go to bed angry. It's an interesting thing to think about. 

If you want to marry someone who will forgive you when you wrong them, then why wouldn't they want to marry someone who would do the same for them?

3)Can you be a helper? After all, that is why God originally created women, was to help men. That means you help him in every thing he does. You support him in his work, you support him when he is about to do something absolutely crazy and you think he's out of his mind, you support him when he decides to pack up your bags and move to North Africa...no matter what, you help him in any way you can and support him in every decision he makes.

Other:

What kind of mother will you make? This may seem like an odd question. But think about it...do you love kids? Okay, so you love kids. Would you want to be around several of them 24/7? A little hesitation there, maybe? 

Personally I cannot wait to have my own kids! I told Becca and Caroline one time that I thought I wanted to have kids even more than I wanted to get married. They both kind of laughed and said that I needed to get married first, haha. :) I think that raising kids is a woman's most rewarding task.

But...it is a task. It's hard work. Just as my mama. She has been pregnant with, in labor with, delivered, and has raised 10 kids. (Her youngest is 5). She'll tell you that it ain't easy. But is it worth it? Absolutely. "I have no greater joy than to hear of my children walking in the truth," said John. And they weren't even his real biological children! 

If you are easily irritated and impatient, then chances are your kids will rub you the wrong way. So work on that now. If you have younger siblings, its the perfect opportunity to perfect some mommy skills. Trust me, I know. :)


With Thomas and Becca just getting married, I have marriage, weddings and relationships on the brain I guess. But as I was thinking about it this morning, I was wondering: am I really the kind of girl that will attract the kind of guy I want to marry? 

Are you?
 
Are we worthy of the kinds of guys we want to marry? Will we do them good and not evil, all the days of our lives?

Girls, if you want to marry a superstar, someone who will be your hero and best friend, please be worthy of someone like that. Be worthy of his love and affection.

My brothers are well-know for their protectiveness. They swear they're gonna kill the guy that wants to marry me. But Mom said one time, "If the guy that wants to marry Jennifer can put up with everything her brothers are ready to dish out, he'll be worthy."

That sounds like I'm a perfect person and am worthy of a prince. But really that only makes me realize how unworthy I am of even my brothers' love. I don't deserve their love anymore than I will deserve the love of the guy who marries me. 

I'm working hard on becoming that girl though. I'm perfecting my homemaking skills (including overcoming my hatred for washing dishes and doing laundry), I'm working on loving my siblings no matter what we're going through, I'm working on forgiving, and asking for forgiveness. I'm learning to love unconditionally. I'm trying to learn what is pleasing to the Lord and asking Him to prepare me to follow my man around the world if necessary. 

When I get married, I want this verse to be true of me:

"He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord." 

But more on that verse tomorrow... :)