hiii guys! I'm currently sitting on a bed in Nové Zámky! it's awesome to be back and I'm so happy I could cry. anyway. I have a guest post for you guys today because this girl is amazing. she loves Jesus and has a heart for His people. be sure and show her blog some love! talk to ya later!
Hi! My name is Amy, and I blog over at Sweet Home Santa Barbara. I'm so delighted to be guest posting for Jennifer while she's on her mission trip. Can't wait to hear all the stories, and praise God for them when she gets back!
When she asked me if I would guest post, she mentioned that it could be a post I had already written. Off I went, searching through my archives, when I landed on this puppy that was originally published in The Charming Magazine. If you follow me, you know that the Lord recently blessed my socks off by leading me into a relationship with this dream boat:
I loved rereading this post, and I realized that this advice isn't just for dating. It's for anyone, in any season, and it certainly resonated for me. I hope it blesses you, too!
I was the girl who was always looking for a boyfriend.
The girl who bounced from relationship to relationship, swearing to myself that each man was my future husband.
I envisioned my future as a young newlywed, always assuming that I would be married in my early twenties.
Well, here I am, 23 years old and far from marriage. Not even dating anyone currently.
And you know what? I've learned more about dating in the last year and a half that I've been single, than I ever did in a relationship.
So coming from someone who likes to learn everything the hard way, I give you my advice on dating:
1. You are enough.
Yes, you. You are enough. More than enough, even!
You are wonderful, beautiful, unique, incredible. All on your own.
A relationship isn't meant to add to what's missing in your life, you are meant to add to the strength of the relationship. And in order to add to the relationship, you have to know your own worth.
Do you know your own worth? Do you know that you are fearfully and wonderfully made by the Creator of the universe? Do you know that the King of kings is passionate about having a relationship with you?
Once you understand that you are enough on your own, your relationship will no longer be a means of validity or self assurance. It will instead, be a wonderful way for you to contribute your strengths to something bigger than yourself.
2. What do you want?
What are you looking for in a significant other? What are you not looking for in a significant other?
It's incredibly important to establish thisbefore getting involved in dating. Once you find yourself with feelings for a person, you'll be amazed at how much you are willing to overlook.
We all have so many unique qualities. We have many strengths, and we also have weaknesses. It's not a bad thing to be specific about what you are looking for in a relationship. It's a good thing!
Make a list of strengths that you want in a significant other. Make a list of deal breakers. And remind yourself of that list when you start dating people.
It may take time to find a person who fits what you're looking for, but it will be worth the wait!
3. Talk, talk, talk.
You've heard it before, I'm sure. It's all about communication. And you want to open those doors as soon as possible. It might be easy to keep things surface level for a bit there, but sooner or later you will face challenging things in your relationship. And you will have to talk about them.
Talk about the future. If all goes well, that future will include both of you. So where do you see yourself living? Do you want to have kids? If so, how many?
I'm not saying whip out these serious topics on the first date, but sometime before walking down the aisle is preferable.
And while on the topic of communication, talk about your feelings. Did something happen that made you upset? Talk about it.
I will be the first to raise my hand and say that I dread confrontation. But a good communication system is key to developing a strong relationship. So time to talk it out!
4. It's not a competition.
"You are not in competition with your friends."
That advice was given to me not too long ago, and I think it's some of the best dating advice I've ever been given.
Even though it has nothing to do with a dating relationship, it has everything to do with human nature, in general. We live in a world that tells us we are all competing for the same things. We're competing for the best jobs, the best houses, the best bodies, and the list goes on and on.
Dating is not a competition. There is no right or wrong timeline involved. Take the pressure off yourself, and realize that everyone's love story is going to look different. The goal is the same for all of us: a happy ending. But we are notcompeting with one another to get there.
Let go of that competitive nature, and enjoy the fact that we are all walking through this journey together. Laugh over your dating mishaps with your friends, and celebrate with each other as you enter different seasons.
5. Have fun!
Relationships are not supposed to be stressful. At some points, of course you will encounter stressful moments. But your relationship should not be consistently causing you stress, like mine used to.
Relax! Remember that you are enough on your own, and trust that things will work out as they're supposed to.
Once you've both confirmed that this relationship is what you want, rest assured that communicating will carry you through the hard stuff.
Enjoy your relationship! Remember thatit's not a competition, and just have fun getting to know one another.
Dating can be stressful, but it can also be fun. Focus on the fun.
And last but not least, make sure that you enjoy this season! Because it won't last forever :)