Older Siblings: The Good, The Bad and the Ugly

Once upon a time there was this girl named Jennifer, and one day Jennifer was riding her bike in the front yard, enjoying the weather and wondering what the family would be having for supper.

Her two older brothers were throwing the football back and forth in the side yard, and Jennifer rode by them several times, making sure not to get in the way. She knew if she got in the way, she would probably get pegged with the football, and trust me, she knew that footballs could cause serious damage.

So she just rode along, minding her own business. She is still not sure how it happened, but at one point while riding past her brothers, the football suddenly came flying towards her bicycle, slammed into the front tire and sent her flying over the handlebars.

 Well, Jennifer was a little stunned at first, but then being the normal girl that she was, she burst into angry tears, and ran inside to tell her mother. The brother was called inside, and Jennifer, after wiping away her tears, went back to her bike riding.

 The other brother was still outside, but without a football buddy. Said brother was sitting on the ground fooling around with a nice sized stick. When Jennifer passed, this brother took aim, threw the stick and it lodged in between the spokes of her front tire.

 Once again, Jennifer was brought to a quick halt and ended up on the ground, again. Again, there were tears involved and again, brother was called inside. But once the brothers were inside, Jennifer realized that it wasn't any fun being outside all alone, so she went inside as well.

The above is a true story.

 I can't remember which brother (Michael or Thomas) threw the football and which one threw the stick, but both were thrown and I flew in the air both times. I did cry and they were both punished.

 It's funny. I am 17 years old now, and my older brothers are 24 and 21, and yet, I remember our childhood so clearly. I remember playing in the woods with Thomas and killing wolves and Indians, and I remember Michael asking me one time: "Jennifer, do you know what the Civil War was really all about?" (Yes, that's the kinds of questions you get asked when you're the sister of a history freak!)

 I remember when Michael graduated from high school and I remember when Thomas first brought his girlfriend to our house; I remember the night that Michael called to tell us that he knew who he was going to marry, and I remember the day Thomas got engaged.

So many memories…some good, some bad and some downright ugly. Yes, we've had our lighter moments. We had good times when we were younger and our times are even more fun now. I miss them every single day, because we are super close (thank goodness for cell phones and email, right?) and our relationship is not normal, from what I hear.

 So I wanted to write a post about having a good relationship with our older siblings; because yes, it takes hard work. Blood, sweat and tears are involved. I can vouch for that. :) 

  We weren't always as close as we are now. As a matter of fact, Michael and I weren't close at all until Michael was about 17, 18 years old.  So I was 10, 11 years old before we actually started liking each other. Today, Michael is my man. (Well, technically, he's Heather's…but you know what I mean…) I can tell him anything and count on getting expert advice.

Seriously y'all, when y'all are telling your girlfriends about the guys you are interested in, I'm telling Michael. It sounds crazy, but it's true. I have cried more tears in front of Michael than in front of any other person I know besides my parents. He has seen me at my absolute worst and can always make me feel better.

 But like I said, we weren't always tight like we are now. I didn't always look at him as worshippingly (spell correct says that worshippingly isn't a word. for another option they gave me horsewhipping. hahaha!) as I am in the above picture. In fact we used to hate each other…okay, not hate each other, but we didn't get along…at all.

You see, Michael and I are a lot alike. Basically because he is the firstborn, and I have a lot of firstborn qualities because I’m the first girl and also because there was four years in between Thomas and I. I love it that I'm like Michael in some ways, but it didn't help our relationship when we were younger. As a matter of fact, I don't remember really spending time with Michael or just talking to him until he started driving. Which was around 17 years old.

So yeah, basically his whole growing life, we didn't really get along. It wasn't Michael's fault either. I was stubborn and annoying and I'm sure I made his life pretty miserable. To be totally honest, I'm not the one who got our relationship headed in the right direction either. It was all Michael. He just decided one day that he was going to be nice to me. (Best day of my life! :) I am so very glad that he made that decision, because honestly I don't know what my life would be like without Michael being involved. Plus, I'd be out of a job. :) (If you didn't know, I'm Michael's personal assistant, which basically means I get paid now when he tells me what to do. Pretty good job!)

All that to say…if you have an older sibling that you just don't get along with, make the decision to just be nice to them. Serve them. Make them laugh. Tell them randomly that you love them. Give them a big glass of iced sweet tea. (trust me, it works every time!) You can't wait around forever for your older sibling to decide to be nice, because they might not ever make that decision. So you pick up the reigns. It's totally worth it, I promise.

Now about Thomas, well we've always been friends.

 Well, almost always.

We were super close as kids. I mean, we did everything together.

But then, Thomas grew up. And around the time he turned 14 (I don’t know what happens to guys when they turn 14) he discovered that I wasn't cool enough for him. Talk about a let-down. The funny thing is: just when Michael had decided to be nice to me, Thomas totally dumped me.

Now I'm not downing Thomas here. He just went through this time period where I was just annoying. The good thing was that he started dating this really awesome girl who started praying for him to be nicer to me. (I love Becca for this!) Her prayers worked! I remember one night when I told Thomas good night and said "I love you," like I always did. Typical Thomas response was just a cold goodnight and no I love you, too. I had grown accustomed to it.

 But this specific night when I said it, Thomas looked at me and said, "Goodnight, I love you, too."

I just about fell over.

 And then I was like, 'well, heck, if he said he loves me, he must want to hug me, too.' So I gave him a big hug, and he didn't resist. Yes, it was the most amazing night ever.

 From then on, Thomas and I were really close again. That's not to say that we haven't had our ugly moments, trust me, we've had 'em, plenty of them. But our relationship is stronger because of them. We share a love of music, and rarely does Thomas come home that he doesn’t have a new song to show me. Our relationship is super important to me, and he is my absolute best friend.

Now that I've made you all jealous about my amazing older brothers…let me tell you that you have the opportunity to build a relationship like that with your older siblings.

 It takes work. It's not easy. I shed a lot of tears over those years, and there were lots of arguments. I am so thankful that my brothers worked hard on maintaining a relationship with me. They didn't just forget about me when they grew up. Michael calls or emails me frequently and we talk about deep stuff.

Before Thomas moved out, I used to go in his room at night and we would just sit and listen to music and hang out. Now that he has moved out, we talk when he comes home and we still listen to music, lots of it.

 Trust me, you will not have a good relationship with your older sibling simply by not arguing with them. You can have arguments all day long and have a better relationship with your sibling than the person who never argues.

The big deal is communication. Find out what your sibling's love language is, and then work on showing them love in that way. Hang out with them. Involve them in your life. Call them and just ask how they're doing. If you can't have an hour long conversation with your sibling without awkward pauses, you're missing out. And you can fix that by just making one simple decision: I'm going to be nice to my older brother/sister; and I'm going to work hard to build a good relationship with him/her. It'll be the best decision you ever make!