I've already posted about this subject one time. You can read that post here.
The book of Proverbs gives a lot of examples of what a godly young man looks like. It tells us what wisdom looks like and what folly looks like. Proverbs 31:3-5, 8&9 says this:
"Do not give your strength to women, or your ways to that which destroys kings, O Lemuel, it is not for kings to drink wine, or for rulers to desire strong drink, for they will drink and forget what is decreed, and pervert the rights of all the afflicted...
Open your mouth for the mute, for the rights of all the unfortunate. Open your mouth, judge righteously, and defend the rights of the afflicted and needy."
That passage lays out what a man should and shouldn't do.
1) He shouldn't give his strength to women or his ways to that which destroys kings
2) He shouldn't drink wine or desire strong drink
3) He should open his mouth for the mute and for the rights of all the unfortunate.
4) He should judge righteously and defend the rights of the afflicted and needy.
His delight should be in the law of the Lord, and in that law he should meditate, day and night. He should be like a tree, firmly planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in its season, and its leaf does not wither and in whatever he does, he will prosper. (Taken from Psalm 1)
His love for God should define him; it should be totally evident to me and to the rest of the world that God is the most important thing in his life.
Another big deal is: what does he treat his mom like? Or his sisters, if he has them. Does he treat them with the respect and love that they deserve? Is he a total gentleman towards them? It's honestly a breath of fresh air when I see a guy talking to his mom in the hallway at church and holding the door for his sisters and helping them carry their bags to the car. That's a real man for you.
I have met a lot of guys in my 17 and 3/4 years (I'm so past the half marker now :) There have been very few that I have respected and even fewer that I have thought I could possibly "date". Are my standards too high? Do I expect too much?
I don't think so. All of my standards and expectations come from what I have seen played out by my older brothers. All 6 or 7 or 8 of them. They have showed me what real men look like, and they've showed me what sacrificial love looks like.
I have seen that real men know when you stand up for what they believe in, but they also know when you just let something go and not fight it. They know what's worth fighting for.
Real men will be leaders. They will lead in love, intimacy, righteousness, selflessness and the word of God. (One of my older brothers told me that. :)He won't want or expect you to make decisions, but he will realize that you can have your say in the matter.
A real man will take care of himself, you and others. He will watch out for those he cares about. He will keep himself healthy and take care of his body.
A real man will be a missionary, always reflecting Jesus. It doesn't matter if he lives in his hometown or moves to Africa, he will always let the light of Jesus shine.
A real man will love me for who I am. He will love me when I am at my very best, and when I'm at my very worst. Sometimes I wonder if he could ever really love me when I'm having a really bad day and am super emotional. But then I see my brothers, who love their wives unconditionally, and I see that they love me unconditionally. That gives me hope.
My boy will love my family. He'll be a part of the family, and feel right at home. (Maybe not right away, because at the beginning some members of my family will probably make it severely awkward for everyone concerned... :) He'll be able to hang out with them and enjoy their company even when I'm not around.
A real man will work hard. Even when it's hot outside and he'd rather be in the air conditioning, or even when it's freezing and he'd rather be inside with a cup of coffee. (He will like coffee, right??)
My boy will love Jesus, love me, and love our kids, even before they're born. He'll love his family, my family, and our family.
You may be thinking that my boy doesn't exist; you may be wondering if I'll ever meet a guy like that. Well, there's hope. My older brothers fulfill all those requirements, so I know that there must be more guys like that out there. So, I'll just wait until he comes along. It may be sooner rather than later, or maybe later rather than sooner. Either way, he'll be a gift from God, a gift that I don't deserve.
(Note to the reader: Today was supposed to be the day that we looked at Guarding Our Hearts. I sat down to work on my rough draft yesterday, and hated it, and deleted it. And then I couldn't finish the other thing that I started, so today we're going to look at Boys....instead. Hopefully the post about guarding your heart will go up tomorrow! Thanks for understanding!!)
If you have ever seriously liked a guy, you know how painful it can be if you let your feelings run away with you being pulled along behind. You know that it hurts when the guy doesn't talk to you as much as you would like, or when he pays attention to every girl except you. You know that you turn red and your ears perk up every time someone mentions his name.
I've totally been there. What are we supposed to do about those feelings? I'm going to try and give you some ideas today.
(This is more specifically written for the girl who really really really likes a guy, not so much for the girl who has a crush).
1) Take those feelings to God.
This is serious, girls. I'm not just talking about a quick, night-time prayer, saying, "God, I like so-and-so." This is huge. I'm talking about all the time, day after day, giving this over to God. Every single day, moment by moment, begging Him to help you let Him be enough to fulfill you. It's not easy.
2 Corinthians 10:5 says this:
"We are destroying speculations and every lofty thing raised up against the knowledge of God, and we are taking every thought captive to the obedience of Christ..."
Take your thoughts captive. Don't let them run away with you. When you feel yourself begin to think about that certain boy's good looks, or how much fun it would be to hang out with him, or what y'all could do together if you started dating, or wondering what he wants to name y'all's kids...I mean, his kids... capture those thoughts and give them to Christ. Be obedient and let Him be enough.
Pray Your will be done, on earth as it is in Heaven.
2)Embrace accountability.
In other words, tell your parents. Involve them. They won't bite your head off. This will help you in several ways:
First of all, you won't have to try to keep secrets from your parents, which is almost impossible anyways. Secondly, it helps you build a stronger relationship with your parents. Thirdly, it gives your parents an opportunity to see where you are emotionally, and helps them as they help prepare you to be a good wife. Fourthly, it'll give your parents a reference point for when you need to be talked to because of your...crush...or whatever you want to call it.
3)Once you've told your parents, trust their counsel
Friend, this is so huge. You can tell your parents, but then totally ignore what they have to say. Been there, done that. But their advice is so valuable, and they are so much wiser than you. Learn to listen and trust them to know what's best for you.
4) Watch what you say.
You know when you have a conversation with that certain guy and then after that you hit the replay button in your mind and listen to the conversation over and over? And then you get your best friends involved and start playing the "he said-she said" game? Not a good idea, girl. That only makes matters worse, because not only are you dwelling on him, but you are getting your friends involved in a giddy, girly way.
5)Get rid of things that irritate your symptoms.
It's hard to remain pure and not dwell on that attractive guy when you spend all day listening to sappy love songs, reading romantic literature, watching movies where love is the main theme. I'm not saying you can never watch Pride and Prejudice again (heaven forbid!) or listen to a love song, but are those things feeding your soul? Are you living on them?
6)Learn to wait and see.
We do not know what God has planned for our lives. It's that simple. You have to learn patience. It's a virtue, you know. One that I don't possess. I'm working on it, so we can learn together.
7)Allow him to lead.
Don't pursue him, please! Yes, even if he's the tallest, handsomest, most amazing guy you've ever met in your entire life! Don't do it.
Now, I'm not saying here to completely ignore him. Just don't pursue. Don't follow him around. Don't spend time with only him at church or school or wherever you're together. Don't make it obvious that you're attracted to him. Don't be mean, but don't be overly interested. Don't spend all your time touching his arm and laughing at his jokes like they're the funniest things in the world. Don't comment on every one of his posts on Facebook.
Always ask yourself, "Am I doing these things to get him to notice me?" And remember, denial is not your friend.
Friend, know that those desires will always be present. But you can choose whether you let them get out of hand or not.
You will meet a lot of guys over the years. Don't get caught up in them. Don't pursue them. Make it your ambition to be pleasing to the Lord, not pleasing to that one boy.
(I took the 7 points out of the book Joyfully At Home by Jasmine Baucham. It is an amazing book and a must-read! Even if you are not currently a stay-at-home daughter, you will learn and be challenged to love Jesus more and pursue Him no matter what your circumstances! So go grab a copy!)