The Desires of My Heart

"Do not fret because of evildoers, 

 Be not envious toward wrongdoers.

 For they will wither quickly like the grass

 And fade like the green herb.

 Trust in the Lord and do good;

 Dwell in the land and cultivate faithfulness.

 Delight yourself in the Lord; and He will 

 give you the desires of your heart.

 Commit your way to the Lord,

 Trust also in Him, and He will do it. 

 He will bring forth your righteousness as the light,

 And your judgment as the noonday.

 Rest in the Lord and wait patiently for Him;

 Do not fret because of him who prospers in his way,

 Because of the man who carries out wicked schemes.

 Cease from anger and forsake wrath;

 Do not fret; it leads only to evildoing.

 For evildoers will be cut off,

 But those who wait for the Lord, they will inherit the land.

 Yet a little while and the wicked man will be no more;

 And you will look carefully for his place and he will not be there. 

 But the humble will inherit the land

 And will delight themselves in abundant prosperity."

        Psalm 37:1-11

Lately I've been thinking a lot about this passage. 

I find myself thinking it about sometimes when I want things, maybe things that I think I need, and I really don't, or things that I do need. It really doesn't matter what the situation is: these verses always apply. 

The most common situation in which I think of these verses is this: when I think about getting married. 

As I've said many times: the desire of my heart is to get married and have kids. I want that more than just about anything else in this world. And it is not wrong for me to want that, and those are good things. There is no higher calling than that of a wife and mother. 

But is wanting those things replacing my want for Jesus? Do I constantly want to know Him more, and do I find myself thinking about Him more each day and just wondering what He's really like?? Because I catch myself doing that when I'm thinking about the guy I'm going to marry. (Whoever he might be!) I wonder what he's like, and just wish I knew him right now, and want to know everything there is to know about him.

What is the true desire of my heart?

I just finished reading Radical by David Platt. It was a truly amazing book. I see myself reading it again in the near future. But one of the things he talks about is how Jesus said that whoever would follow Him must hate their father and their mother.

Now Jesus wasn't saying for us to literally hate our family, but He was saying that we should love Him so much that, in comparison to our relationship with Him, it would be like we hated our family. 

Do I love Jesus that much? 

To be honest and up-front with y'all, I have a hard time with this. I have a hard time with delighting myself in the Lord. I have a hard time with giving my entire life to Him and just saying, "okay God, You know what's best, go for it!" 

It's not easy. 

But it seems that when I'm thinking about what I want (like a guy, or a new iPod, or a car, or whatever) I always remember this verse: Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart.

The verse doesn't say that if you delight yourself in the Lord, you'll get a new iPod, or a boyfriend, or a car, fill-in-the-blank. It says He will give you the desires of your heart. 

When you are delighting yourself in the Lord, your desire is for Him. 

I don't know about you, but I want to be delighting myself in the Lord; and I want Him to give me the desire of my heart: more of Him!

Today is the first day of my 12th grade year. I could want a lot of things for this year. I could wish for an easy schedule, or for me not to flunk math, or for history to be as exciting as I'm hoping it will be. But this year I have one hope:

 that by this time next year, I will know Jesus so much better. That I will love Him so much that people will be able to see it. That the desire of my heart will be for Him. 

"May the Lord direct your hearts into the love of God and into the steadfastness of Christ."  2 Thessalonians 3:5

To All Those Who Have Had a Rumor Spread About Them

Lately I've been thinking a lot about rumors.  You know, over the past 3, 4 years, a lot of people have spread rumors about me. Most of them haven't been that bad, but some have been worse than others. How do you respond to that kind of thing? Let me give you an example.

One time I was 14 years old. And when I was 14 years old I was friends with this guy. This guy and I had been friends since we were like 5 years old. We were not in a relationship or anything, just friends.

One day I was in my car on my way into town when a friend of mine called me and was like, "Hey I heard this rumor about you and wanted to let you know about it." By the way, hearing about a rumor from your friend is much better than hearing about it from someone else that you don't really know.

Apparently, this guy friend of mine and I had been caught holding hands in the hallway at church.  I laugh at that now. At 17 years old, this guy and I have never touched each other. Well, that's not quite true. I punched him on the arm one time. But that's another story.

So it was going around church that I was holding hands with this guy. That wasn't cool. I was mad. Who could say something like that? Why would they say something like that? What had I done to deserve that? What had my friend done to get involved?

I acted like a stupid 14 year old and was like, "What if he never talks to me again? Dang it. We were such good friends too. Augh. I hate girls." Blah blah blah. You know the routine. It was ridiculous. I look back on that part and cringe. I hate myself for that. I was an idiot. So please don't ever act like that if you hear about a rumor. Cause honestly that just shows your immaturity.

Anyways. My friend apparently heard about the rumor because for a while things weren't so chummy between us. He avoided me and we didn't talk for several months. He hung out with his guy friends and I hung out with my friends. It was stupid that we let a rumor mess up our friendship.

That wasn't the last rumor I was involved in. I've been involved in one just recently. Thankfully, I have learned something about being mature over the past 3 years. I still didn't handle this one that gracefully. I was upset and bummed about it. I was mad that people said things about me. In fact, the only thing I did differently was not act like a 14 year old girl and freak out and whine about it.

When this rumor started going around about me here recently, I called my oldest brother and told him about it. He made some interesting points. Firstly he said that I need to not let what people say bother me. Secondly, he said that the rumor wasn't harming my reputation, so it really wasn't that big of a deal. Thirdly he said that people will always be spreading rumors about me, so I better get used to it.

Having a rumor spread about you is no fun. I know that. But really, sometimes we invite people to spread rumors about us simply by our behavior. Because I was spending so much time with that guy friend of mine, it was basically an invitation for someone to spread a rumor about us. (Just for your information, the last rumor that was spread about me had no basis, and I still can't figure that one out!)

But honestly, I have learned that we have to be really careful, not only in how we act, but also who we spend large amounts of time with. If you don't want a rumor being spread about you and a certain guy, then back off and don't spend so much time with that guy. Some girls want a rumor to be spread about them, so they spend large amounts of time with one guy, and then when the rumor does go around, they get ticked off and act like it's the end of the world. Really?? How mature!

If you don't want a rumor to be spread about you, don't invite it! Don't be involved in relationships that will get rumors spread about you. Don't hang out with people that will get rumors spread about you. Don't tell people that aren't trustworthy your secrets, because they'll be the talk of the church the next thing you know.

Now I'm not saying that you should stay in a box for the rest of your life. Sometimes rumors will be spread about you and it won't be your fault at all. The last rumor that was spread about me was not my fault. I did nothing to start it and there was nothing I could do to end it. So yes, there will be times when rumors will go around and you'll be like, "What did I do to deserve that one? Where did that even come from?"

My point here is this: try to avoid being in a situation that will get a rumor spread. Don't tell your secrets to just anyone. Keep your standards high. Watch your tongue.

And if a rumor is going around about you: get used to it. People are going to talk. Live with it. Be happy. Be like Jesus, who being reviled, did not revile in return. Think about that. Rumors were being spread about Jesus. If anyone could talk about people, Jesus could, because he knows everything. But he never said anything about anyone, whether it was true or not. Count it joy when you encounter various trials. 

"Our joy is safe. Neither suffering nor success can destroy its anchor. Great is your reward in heaven. Your name is written there. It is secure.

  Jesus anchored the happiness of suffering saints in the reward of heaven. And he anchored the happiness of successful saints in the same.  And thus he freed us from the tyranny of worldly pain and pleasure." 

           -John Piper