a letter of warning to my future husband

dear you:

lately it has come to my attention that there are certain things that I wish I could warn you about before we get married. I figured this was the best way. please don't let these things scare you away. please.

I'll get right to the point: I hate doing laundry. I really do. I apologize, + I'm trying to conquer that hatred, but I really just despise it. but hey, I love washing dishes + I like cleaning bathrooms! (two pros to one con, I mean, really...) doing laundry is just so annoying because you have to put them in the washer + then remember to put them into the dryer + then go fold them before they get wrinkled + then put them away + sometimes you have to iron even after all that. it's just so provoking.

I am very, very fond of spaghetti. especially leftover. you have been warned.

sometimes I write for a really long time + then I'm pretty much emotionally drained. my writing is work for me. (you never want to say that my writing isn't actually work, just ask Jessie). just bear with me when I'm on some crazy writing streak.

I listen to music pretty much constantly. it makes me indescribably happy. especially Coldplay. I. love. Coldplay. just go with it, okay? and if you like heavy metal, please don't play it in front of me. I try to appreciate other people's music, but I can't deal with heavy metal. I'm sorry. (I mean, I guess I could try to bear it. just for you).

oh, and I like rap. you are allowed to laugh at me when I rap along with Lecrae, but only in amazement at my rapping abilities. hahaha.

I am not a morning person. I despise mornings even more than I despise doing laundry. I'm really mean in the mornings sometimes. (more like all the time, but it's whatever). I'll try hard not to bite your head off, but I'll just go ahead and say I'm sorry in advance. in the morning, it's just best to not speak to me for a bit after I wake up, and probably don't mess with my hair. that usually doesn't end well. you could always make me coffee though...

I lay awake in bed at night for an hour or two. I start thinking and it all goes downhill from there. if I say something really random, don't let it bother you. my brain is working overtime. I may also randomly get up and write stuff down on a piece of paper, so I won't forget it the next morning. just so you know.

I hate cats. please never ask me if we can have one. I'll pull the "I'm extremely allergic" card if I have to. I'm serious. 

I love American football. I love it. BUT...if you don't, that's cool. if you're into soccer (the REAL football) or baseball or basketball or hockey that's great. just sit me down + teach me about it. show me how things work in the game. watch games with me + explain them. pretty soon I'll be watching the games whether you are or not. 

I make lists all. the. time. even if they aren't necessary. I buy new notebooks + pens way too often as well. 

I like planning things ahead of time. I like knowing that we are going to do such and such a thing at such and such a time. with that being said, spontaneous adventures now + then would be fine I guess because that's what Moms does to me all the time. 

I feel most loved when people buy me things. I feel selfish saying that but you should know. when someone sees something + thinks of me + gets it for me, that makes me feel more loved than anything else. 

I need personal space sometimes. approach with caution. hahaha. 

if I say "honey" in a really sweet voice you can pretty much bet your bottom dollar that I want something I don't need. 

90% of the time when I'm crying there is no good reason. I'm just crying to cry. it doesn't make sense, but that's that. 

if I ever say "oh go jump in a lake!" when I'm aggravated, please don't get offended or take me seriously. I don't really want you to jump in a lake. well, maybe not...

I'm such a sarcastic person. I say sarcastic...okay, let's face it, downright mean things without even thinking. hopefully you can help me be a nicer person. 

my family is crazy. that's all I'm gonna say about that.

you should never, ever mention the Power Rangers in front of Moms. please. just don't do it. trust me on this one. 

I have an incredibly weak stomach. I can handle blood, but only to a certain extent. I cannot handle deep wounds. (I just found this out last week when I almost passed out after John-boy cut his head open. ugh). 

the thought of having children TERRIFIES me. but I also really want kids. so be prepared for spells of "I wish we had kids" closely followed by spells of "we are NEVER having children." 

if I have to get up early for some reason, be prepared for much whining + complaining. (remember how much I hate mornings?)

I have this weird obsession with brushing my teeth. I take really good care of my teeth. it gets a little ridiculous at times.

sometimes I'm going to say things that make no sense. there's no explanation for that. (my hair is naturally blonde though if that helps at all haha)

I'm an incredibly indecisive human. I can't even pick out a bag of chips. it's ridiculous. you're definitely going to have to make ALL the decisions. and I literally mean all.

chances are that I will buy body wash for myself + then only use your's. I do it to Jamie all the time.

that's all I can think of for now. if I haven't completely scared you away at this point, just know that at least I'm loyal + trustworthy + love you a lot. I think you're swell + I'll make sure and tell you that often.

peace out, boy scout. (I say things like that a lot. don't judge).