on being single (a different kinda post)

can I just be honest with y'all for a minute? I can just see you grinning, maybe even shaking your head and saying, "when are you ever not honest, Jen?" very true.

okay then. so here's the deal........

being single is hard. 

let's just not water it down or try to make light of it. it. is. hard. 

it's lots of loneliness, and being sad when you watch certain movies or see cute couples going on dates and being in love, and it's lots of wishing and dreaming and praying and hurting and it's a lot of tears. am I right? 

I feel like we are taught that we are sinning if we are honestly just depressed by our singleness. can I tell you something? feeling lonely is not a sin. let me say that again...

FEELING LONELY IS NOT A SIN.  

wanting a guy to be your best friend and sing to you and play with your hair and call you to tell you he loves you and give you hugs and buy you food and just be there for you is not. wrong. it's not. 

please read this:

"Then the Lord God said, 'it is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.'

...he made it into a woman and brought her to the man. Then the man said, 'this at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.'

therefore, a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh."

do you know why you were created? do you know why women were created? we were created to be a helper to a man. a helper to our man. not just any man. a special man. the man he has for you. how could it be a sin to long to be what we were created to be? 

let me tell you, I have spent countless nights, crying, simply because I'm "single." I've fallen silent in conversations because someone started talking about how great their boy is, and I don't know who my boy is. I've said "oh, I'm single" in answer to that awful question people ask. those two words, I'm single, are like a knife in the heart sometimes, aren't they? I've watched my friends fall in love with great guys and be so so happy and I've been happy for them, but at the same time, wished it was me. I've gotten angry at God because (direct quote from my journal) "where the heck is MY guy??" I've watched my brothers with their wives and thought how lucky my sisters-in-law are, because they're married to their best friend. and you know what?

I'm not watering this down. 

being single is hard. it hurts. it's just not easy. 

so why? why aren't you in a relationship? why hasn't that guy pursued you? why do you not have a guy? what's wrong? why why why?

now, read this, because there is hope:

“When I passed by you again and saw you, behold, you were at the age for love, and I spread the corner of my garment over you and covered your nakedness; I made my vow to you and entered into a covenant with you, declares the Lord God, and you became mine." (Ezekiel 16:8 ESV)

wondering what the heck that has to do with anything? let me explain:

one night I was really struggling with being alone and just pouring that out to Jesus. I grabbed my bible and randomly opened it and looked at Ezekiel 16:8. and it spoke to me. 

"behold, you were at the age for love..."

God is not sitting there, just chilling, not caring about our lives. he cares so much. he cares so ridiculously much that he crushed his own son for us. he is watching, and darling, when you are at the age for love, love will come to you.  it won't hold back, it won't run away, it won't be like your 5th grade crush. it will be beautiful. it will make your heart pound and your eyes water just thinking about how good God is. 

someday...maybe this week, maybe later on this year, maybe 5-6 years down the road...he knows. he cares. and he loves you so much. 

"For the Lord God is a sun and shield; the Lord bestows favor and honor. No good thing does he withhold from those who walk uprightly." (Psalm 84:11 ESV)

he doesn't hold back when he gives to us. if he would give his own son, then you better believe that he'll send you a guy to sweep you off your feet.

don't give up, girl. don't lose hope. keep smiling. because someday is coming and it's gonna be pretty doggone amazing. 

"I might have to wait, I'll never give up

I guess it's half timing, and the other halfs luck.
wherever you are, whenever it's right

you'll come outta nowhere and into my life

and I know that we can be so amazing

and being in your life is gonna change me

and now I can see every single possibility

and someday I know that it'll all turn out

you'll make me work so we can work to work it out and
I promise you, kid, I'll give so much more than I get

I just haven't met you yet."

Haven't Met You Yet~Michael Bublé

(do yourself a favor and go listen to Dear No One by Tori Kelly. it fits this post really well).

love you.