january 15, 2014

hey grandmama,

its been awhile. exactly five years today since the last time we hung out and talked. five years. a whole lot can happen in that amount of time, you know. although, where you are, that's no time at all. I bet you're having a blast. man, I wish I could have seen your reunion with granddaddy. bet y'all are both having a blast.

I guess I've changed since you left. being fourteen is different, very different, from being nineteen. its weird though, because I still feel the same. things never really change on the inside. I'm still the same old Jen, and I guess I always will be.

remember your strand of pearls that you left me? I gave them to Moms for her birthday a couple of years ago. she's always wanted some and I knew it would make you happy. I can still wear them if I want to. thanks for giving them to me, by the way. and my china. its packed away at Mimi's house for safe-keeping. I can't wait to get it out and in my kitchen cabinets someday.

I got a guitar for my birthday last month. its a Seagull Entourage Grand Rustic. its a beauty. I can play it so-so. I'm nothing spectacular. I wish you could hear me play it. I hope they have guitars in heaven. me and Thomas can jam together. I'm just teaching myself and Thomas helps me out when I need it.
I had to quit piano lessons in late 2012. I took a break because Thomas and Becca got married in September 2012, and when I was ready to go back, Mrs. Cuttino had gotten sick. she has Alzheimer's and Mr. Cuttino eventually had to put her into a home. I miss her a lot. she reminded me of you, except she was a lot more scatter-brained. hahaha. I love that woman. you were right when you said that time that she opened me up and let the talent out.

I still play...maybe not as often...and its not the same anymore. I've always loved it, but at the same time, its an emotional thing now. I write my own music. its an escape I guess. kind of like writing stories.

speaking of writing stories, I'm writing a book about you and granddaddy. its historical fiction because I didn't know enough facts for it to be a biography. I honestly have had so many questions while writing. Uncle Bob and Aunt Berta have helped me out as much as they can. and one day I went to Double Heads Baptist Church and sat on the ledge like you did the day after you got married. why in the world did granddaddy call you Dutchy in his letters? just curious.

Michael and Heather got married in 2011, and they're pretty awesome together. Heather brings out the best in Michael. you'd be proud. him and Thomas work together now, saving windows and roofs everywhere. haha. oh and I'm an aunt now. his name's Zeke and he came in April 2012. he's the best. you would have loved him. he has so much personality and he's smart as a whip. they all say that he's just like Michael was as a baby.

I went to Slovakia last summer. it was life-changing. I spent twelve days telling people about Jesus and how much he loves them. I told a group of gypsies about you, about how much you loved Jesus and us. I'm going back this summer, and then I'm going to Romania. I can't wait. I'm quite the world-traveler.

I never really got to say goodbye to you. maybe its best that way. I was a wreck after you left. I felt guilty, I thought that somehow it was my fault. I wish we could go back and do it over again. I'm know that you wouldn't want me to go through that. I'm sorry for being angry at myself and you and God. I'm cool now though. I quit listening to Satan's lies.

I miss you though, every single day, and I can't wait to see you again.

love you.
Jen