Preparing For Someday, Part 8: Proverbs 18:22

[Sorry this is SO late! I had to go to the doctor this morning, sinus infection, and then didn't get this finished til a little while ago. But here it is!]

Friends, we have reached the last post in our series on Preparing for Someday. (Sniff, sniff) I've thoroughly enjoyed writing it and hope you've been encouraged and challenged through something I've said. 

 Today we get to talk about being a good wife. Ready, set, go!

"He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord." (Proverbs 18:22)

I mentioned this verse at the end of yesterday's post. I like this verse a lot. There's another one a lot like it in Proverbs 19 that says this:

"House and wealth are an inheritance from fathers, but a prudent wife is from the Lord." (19:14)

Will you be a good thing for your future husband? 

I can hear you now saying that you can't really know if you will be until you are a wife, but trust me, you can know now. 

Let me ask you this, are you a good daughter? Are you a good sister? 

Being a daughter and sister is a training ground for marriage and wifehood. (Is wifehood a word??)The way you treat your dad and brothers is how you will eventually treat your husband.

If you don't have older brothers, you're missing out. Big brothers are, in my opinion, the best training ground for marriage. If you can live with your older brothers and you all come out of it alive, you're doing okay. And if you come out of it and you all love and worship each other then you're definitely on the right track.

You may be wondering exactly how my brothers have helped prepare me for marriage. Well here's a few examples.

I've learned that I have to be the one to serve. Even though I tend to want other people to serve me, Michael has taught me that I need to be the one volunteering to give something of myself to others. I'm the one who needs to stand up and clear the table, I'm the one who needs to take his glass and fill it with sweet tea, I'm the one who needs to serve.

But...Michael has also taught me that it's okay to let a guy serve me. I don't always have to be the one to serve. If a guy wants to do something for you, let him!

Thomas has taught me that I need to be the one to apologize first. Whenever Thomas and I ever got in a fight, he would always be the first to apologize. Always, every single time. Even if the fight was my fault, he would be the one to apologize. You know why? Because I was proud, and would never say I was sorry. Thomas wasn't. I'm working on that right now. Letting go of your pride isn't easy, that's for sure.

Dad has taught me that serving is great, but it's only great if you do it with a happy heart. And I'm given plenty of opportunities to serve! I tease Daddy and ask him what he's gonna do when I move out! :) But you don't just have to serve your dad and brothers, serve other guys, too.

"An excellent wife, who can find? For her worth is far above jewels.

The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain.

She does him good and not evil all the days of her life.

Her children rise up and bless her; her husband also, and he praises her, saying: Many daughters have done nobly, but you excel them all." (Proverbs 31: 10-12, 28-29)

When I get married, I want those verses to be true of me. I want my husband to trust me; I want to do him good and not evil, all the days of my life which means RIGHT NOW.

Girls, if you want to be a good wife to your husband when you get married, you have to start right now. In order to do that, work on the things that I talked about in this post.

  

You can do your man good right now!  Why wait until you're married?

Being a good wife is not easy. I'm not saying that it's all peaches and cream. But think about it, if you work hard on it now, won't it be easier when you really are one? Isn't it easier if you  study and prepare for a test? Aren't you more likely to pass if you do study and prepare??

So start preparing for the test. Work on your homemaking skills. Love God and desire Him more than anyone or anything else. Build relationships with your family and surround yourself with people that you love and trust to help you on your journey. "Get wisdom! Get understanding!" (Proverbs 4:5) Guard your heart. Keep your standards high.

If you do those things, then you'll be on the path to becoming an excellent wife. That is a high calling, and one that I hope to reach someday. Will you join me?

 

Preparing For Someday, Part 7:What Is He Looking For?

"I'm not thinking about marriage now, but if I were, the first thing would be, 'is she a genuine Christian?'

So, I would question her and ask her friends and family about her lifestyle. If she is a genuine Christian then it would be time to look for good personality traits. 

What I would look for would be mainly honesty. Not just in what she says, but in what she does. I also would look for self respect. I would also like it when a girl is not afraid to speak her mind about how she feels and what she wants. On the other hand, I like shy also, so it's a combination of being shy, but knowing when you need to say something. 

Also, I would see how submissive she is, and whether she would let me be a man and not try to wear the pants in the house. And how attractive she is lol. It doesn't matter how you look; it's the heart that matters. Bonuses would be that we have a lot in common; beauty on the outside and inside; we would like a lot of the same music; plays piano; sings; a technology freak; and likes to stay in shape."

A friend of mine wrote the list above about what he wants in the girl that he will eventually marry. Pretty interesting, huh? Not your typical, "I want to marry a pretty girl who's a good cook."

There's nothing wrong with being pretty or a good cook. Those things are important, too. God is more important, though. Your relationship with Him is more important than what you look like, what kind of meals you make and what kind of housekeeper you are.

Today we want to talk about how to be the kind of girl that a good guy would want to marry. First we'll talk about practical things, then spiritual ones.

1)Can you cook? I'm not talking about frozen pizza, or Ramen noodles, or things like that. I'm talkin' full meals. Steak, mashed potatoes, gravy, green beans?? Could you cook any of those things?

Who would want to marry a girl that can't cook? I've heard of that happening. Poor guys. That's all I can say. Poor, poor guys.

Girls, if you plan to get married, learn to cook. Please! You'll be glad you did. I'm learning right along with you. I know how to make a couple of meals right now, although I usually go back to the same two: tacos (or nachos) or fried chicken. :) But chicken is my favorite food ever, and tacos are super easy, so that's why.

2)Can you add, subtract, multiply and divide? (Negative,here). One time Mom set me loose in Wal-Mart and said, "Okay, go get these groceries, and I want you to keep a running total. When we get up to the front, I want you to know about how much we're going to be spending." I did, and my total was only 2 dollars over what we ended up paying. I rounded up to the 50th cent on every dollar we spent.

Simple math is important. As much as I hate math, I have to admit that I will always use it. Whether I'm paying bills, buying groceries, teaching my kids...I'll always use it.

3)Can you run a home? This encompasses more than you might think. Last month my younger brother was in the hospital for 5 days, and Mom was with him for the most part. I was in charge of the house. I had a little help from Daddy and my brothers who got the kitchen all cleaned while I was gone one morning.

I was in charge of the cooking, the cleaning, the laundry, the kids...whew...when Mom and Jamie got home, I was so relieved. :) The day after they got home, I slept until 10:30! I was worn out.

But when she got home, [most of] the laundry was clean, the refrigerator was cleaned out, the counters were clean, and the kids were clean. It wasn't easy, but it gave me a good look at what running a house looks like. And it honestly freaked me out a little. It was hard! There were moments when I just wanted to sit down and cry. But that's reality. So work on your housekeeping skills.

So those are some practical things that a guy should look for in a girl that he is thinking about marrying. 

Some spiritual things are:

1)What does her relationship with God look like? Is it evident that she loves Him? How far would she be willing to go to serve Him? 

I think about that one a lot. What if I marry someone who is called to the mission field? What if I end up marrying a pastor? My life could be radically changed. How would I react to that? 

For me, I'm working on not getting too attached to one thing. One house, one town, one city, one state, one boy, one car...that kind of thing. Attachment will only make things harder in the long run.

2)Can you forgive and forget? 

This is a pride issue for me. I don't forgive easily. And it's so hard for me to ask for forgiveness. But this is huge in a marriage.  

When Thomas and Becca got married on Saturday, I absolutely loved something she said in her vows to him. She said, quite simply, "Sometimes I'll be no good." Wow. It hit me right between the eyes. She totally understands that there are going to be times when she has to beg his forgiveness and will let him down. 

A friend of ours sent Becca a wedding card, and in it said that the best marriage advice she could give is to never go to bed angry. It's an interesting thing to think about. 

If you want to marry someone who will forgive you when you wrong them, then why wouldn't they want to marry someone who would do the same for them?

3)Can you be a helper? After all, that is why God originally created women, was to help men. That means you help him in every thing he does. You support him in his work, you support him when he is about to do something absolutely crazy and you think he's out of his mind, you support him when he decides to pack up your bags and move to North Africa...no matter what, you help him in any way you can and support him in every decision he makes.

Other:

What kind of mother will you make? This may seem like an odd question. But think about it...do you love kids? Okay, so you love kids. Would you want to be around several of them 24/7? A little hesitation there, maybe? 

Personally I cannot wait to have my own kids! I told Becca and Caroline one time that I thought I wanted to have kids even more than I wanted to get married. They both kind of laughed and said that I needed to get married first, haha. :) I think that raising kids is a woman's most rewarding task.

But...it is a task. It's hard work. Just as my mama. She has been pregnant with, in labor with, delivered, and has raised 10 kids. (Her youngest is 5). She'll tell you that it ain't easy. But is it worth it? Absolutely. "I have no greater joy than to hear of my children walking in the truth," said John. And they weren't even his real biological children! 

If you are easily irritated and impatient, then chances are your kids will rub you the wrong way. So work on that now. If you have younger siblings, its the perfect opportunity to perfect some mommy skills. Trust me, I know. :)


With Thomas and Becca just getting married, I have marriage, weddings and relationships on the brain I guess. But as I was thinking about it this morning, I was wondering: am I really the kind of girl that will attract the kind of guy I want to marry? 

Are you?
 
Are we worthy of the kinds of guys we want to marry? Will we do them good and not evil, all the days of our lives?

Girls, if you want to marry a superstar, someone who will be your hero and best friend, please be worthy of someone like that. Be worthy of his love and affection.

My brothers are well-know for their protectiveness. They swear they're gonna kill the guy that wants to marry me. But Mom said one time, "If the guy that wants to marry Jennifer can put up with everything her brothers are ready to dish out, he'll be worthy."

That sounds like I'm a perfect person and am worthy of a prince. But really that only makes me realize how unworthy I am of even my brothers' love. I don't deserve their love anymore than I will deserve the love of the guy who marries me. 

I'm working hard on becoming that girl though. I'm perfecting my homemaking skills (including overcoming my hatred for washing dishes and doing laundry), I'm working on loving my siblings no matter what we're going through, I'm working on forgiving, and asking for forgiveness. I'm learning to love unconditionally. I'm trying to learn what is pleasing to the Lord and asking Him to prepare me to follow my man around the world if necessary. 

When I get married, I want this verse to be true of me:

"He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord." 

But more on that verse tomorrow... :)

 


 

Preparing For Someday, Part 6:What Am I Looking For?

I've already posted about this subject one time. You can read that post here.

The book of Proverbs gives a lot of examples of what a godly young man looks like. It tells us what wisdom looks like and what folly looks like. Proverbs 31:3-5, 8&9 says this:

"Do not give your strength to women, or your ways to that which destroys kings, O Lemuel, it is not for kings to drink wine, or for rulers to desire strong drink, for they will drink and forget what is decreed, and pervert the rights of all the afflicted...

Open your mouth for the mute, for the rights of all the unfortunate. Open your mouth, judge righteously, and defend the rights of the afflicted and needy."

That passage lays out what a man should and shouldn't do. 

1) He shouldn't give his strength to women or his ways to that which destroys kings

2) He shouldn't drink wine or desire strong drink

3) He should open his mouth for the mute and for the rights of all the unfortunate.

4) He should judge righteously and defend the rights of the afflicted and needy.

His delight should be in the law of the Lord, and in that law he should meditate, day and night. He should be like a tree, firmly planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in its season, and its leaf does not wither and in whatever he does, he will prosper. (Taken from Psalm 1)

His love for God should define him; it should be totally evident to me and to the rest of the world that God is the most important thing in his life.

Another big deal is: what does he treat his mom like? Or his sisters, if he has them. Does he treat them with the respect and love that they deserve? Is he a total gentleman towards them? It's honestly a breath of fresh air when I see a guy talking to his mom in the hallway at church and holding the door for his sisters and helping them carry their bags to the car. That's a real man for you.

I have met a lot of guys in my 17 and 3/4 years (I'm so past the half marker now :) There have been very few that I have respected and even fewer that I have thought I could possibly "date". Are my standards too high? Do I expect too much?

I don't think so. All of my standards and expectations come from what I have seen played out by my older brothers. All 6 or 7 or 8 of them. They have showed me what real men look like, and they've showed me what sacrificial love looks like.  

I have seen that real men know when you stand up for what they believe in, but they also know when you just let something go and not fight it. They know what's worth fighting for. 

Real men will be leaders. They will lead in love, intimacy, righteousness, selflessness and the word of God. (One of my older brothers told me that. :)He won't want or expect you to make decisions, but he will realize that you can have your say in the matter. 

A real man will take care of himself, you and others. He will watch out for those he cares about. He will keep himself healthy and take care of his body.

A real man will be a missionary, always reflecting Jesus. It doesn't matter if he lives in his hometown or moves to Africa, he will always let the light of Jesus shine. 

A real man will love me for who I am. He will love me when I am at my very best, and when I'm at my very worst. Sometimes I wonder if he could ever really love me when I'm having a really bad day and am super emotional. But then I see my brothers, who love their wives unconditionally, and I see that they love me unconditionally. That gives me hope.

My boy will love my family. He'll be a part of the family, and feel right at home. (Maybe not right away, because at the beginning some members of my family will probably make it severely awkward for everyone concerned... :) He'll be able to hang out with them and enjoy their company even when I'm not around.

A real man will work hard. Even when it's hot outside and he'd rather be in the air conditioning, or even when it's freezing and he'd rather be inside with a cup of coffee. (He will like coffee, right??)

My boy will love Jesus, love me, and love our kids, even before they're born. He'll love his family, my family, and our family. 

You may be thinking that my boy doesn't exist; you may be wondering if I'll ever meet a guy like that. Well, there's hope. My older brothers fulfill all those requirements, so I know that there must be more guys like that out there. So, I'll just wait until he comes along. It may be sooner rather than later, or maybe later rather than sooner. Either way, he'll be a gift from God, a gift that I don't deserve.

 

Preparing For Someday, Part 5: So...What If I Never Get Married?

Happy Monday, friends! I'm so glad to be back. I feel like I've been on a long vacation. Thomas and Becca got married on Saturday and the wedding was BEAUTIFUL and SO MUCH FUN and HAPPY and every good thing. :) I was a bridesmaid along with Becca's roommate, Meagan and her sister, Lindsay. The wedding ceremony was beautiful, and the reception was awesome and turned into a dance party! We all had a blast. And now they're married and will live happily ever after! :)

But anyway, onto today's topic which is: So...What If I Never Get Married? (Inward shudder, anyone?) And as a side-note, isn't it a little ironic that this is the topic when I just finished talking about my brother's amazing wedding?? :)

Personally, this is something that I rarely ever think about. Not because I'm okay with being single but because I'm scared to death to think about it. It literally freaks me out a little when I think about never getting married.  

When I think about it, I ask myself questions like: what would I do with my time? How would I survive? Will I just live with Mom and Dad for the rest of my life? 

This is a serious question to ask yourself. What would you do if you never got married? Or what would you do if you didn't get married until you were, say, 25 or 30? 

There is never a promise in the Bible that every girl who really desires marriage will get married. God owes us nothing. Yes, He does bless some of us and some people do end up getting married, but marriage is not a given. 

So...what if I never get married? What if you never get married?

"But I want you to be free from concern. One who is unmarried is concerned about the things of the Lord, how he may please the Lord; but one who is married is concerned about the things of the world, how he may please his wife, and his interests are divided. The woman who is unmarried, and the virgin, is concerned about the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and spirit; but the one who is married is concerned about the things of the world, how she may please her husband. This I say for your own benefit; not to put a restraint up on you, but to promote what is appropriate and to secure undistracted devotion to the Lord." (1 Corinthians 7: 32-35)

Whew. Serious verses there, Jen. Don't fuss at me, fuss at Paul. He wrote them. Don't take them lightly.

I want to ask you something. 

Are you concerned about the things of the Lord? Are you holy in both body and spirit? 

God has really been teaching me lately that if I am not truly desiring Him and loving Him with my whole heart, then really, marriage is not an option. I can never be a good wife if I am not a good daughter to Him. 

What are you doing with your single years? Are you wasting them?

I have been guilty of wasting my single years. I haven't invested enough time in my relationship with God, my family or friends. However, I'm not done being single yet.

So here's a list of things that I personally am working on while I'm not married:

1) Be concerned about the things of the Lord. Be holy in both body and spirit. Delight myself in the Lord.

2) Learn patience. 

3) Enjoy the little things in life that may seem mundane. 

4) Remember that God is working. If He wasn't working, I wouldn't be here.

Just four simple things. The thing is, even if I never get married, I can still work on those things. I can still perfect them. Because marriage is not promised me. And so I want God to be my main goal. 

If I never get married, I will still be striving to please the Lord in every move I make. No matter what I'm doing. Whether I'm still living at home and helping my mom and helping train my younger siblings; whether I'm working for my brother or teaching piano lessons; whether I move out and live in a different city or become a full-time nanny...or if I get married and have at least 7 kids...no matter what, I want to be pleasing to the Lord. 

You can do so much more for the Lord while you're single. Most of the younger women that have mentored me have done so while they were single. GraceAnna, Jillian, Becca, all women who mentored me while they were single; all girls who were concerned about the things of the Lord and then were blessed and got married. 

If you know that you've been wasting your single years up to this point, realize that there is still hope. We can learn together. We can pray together. We can even cry together when life gets tough. But let's decide that today can be different. Today we can start being concerned about the things of the Lord. 

"But you, be sober in all things, endure hardship, do the work of an evangelist, fulfill your ministry." (2 Timothy 4:5)