well, hi.

my name is jennifer noel,

and i'm really awful and terrible and horrible

at this whole blogging thing.

but i'm back now. so we'll move swiftly on.

my friend, rae, is always talking about

dreams and about chasing your dreams

and making them realities.
blogging is kind of, sort of a dream.

i say kind of because writing is the dream, and

this blog is just an outlet, and it takes work.

but hey, we gotta work for our dreams, right?

and so here i am.

but the blog is taking a new direction.

things are changing around here,

because this blog is a reflection of me,

and i am changing.

you see, this blog started out about 

preparing for marriage, being single, and the like.

it started out because i was waiting.

waiting for a guy, waiting for the next thing...

just waiting.

and i'm not waiting anymore. because

there's so much more to this life than that. there's

so much more than just waiting for the next thing.

and honestly, i'm learning a lot about jesus and his goodness

and i don't need to wait for anything.

he has granted me everything pertaining to life and

godliness already. and so, i can just

l i v e. 

i'm not the same person i was a year ago.

i'm not the same person i was when i last posted back

in september.

heck, i'm not even the same person i was

on january 1, 2015.

and so, the blog will be different from now on.
(the name is changing, the theme is changing,
my posts will be different, etc).

and i'm pretty excited about it.

i hope you are, too.

i'll explain more soon,

but for now, i hope you are having a fabulous

week and that you're living life to the fullest.

i hope you smile a lot, friend.

happy-almost-wednesday, you.

love,

jen

a letter of warning to my future husband

dear you:

lately it has come to my attention that there are certain things that I wish I could warn you about before we get married. I figured this was the best way. please don't let these things scare you away. please.

I'll get right to the point: I hate doing laundry. I really do. I apologize, + I'm trying to conquer that hatred, but I really just despise it. but hey, I love washing dishes + I like cleaning bathrooms! (two pros to one con, I mean, really...) doing laundry is just so annoying because you have to put them in the washer + then remember to put them into the dryer + then go fold them before they get wrinkled + then put them away + sometimes you have to iron even after all that. it's just so provoking.

I am very, very fond of spaghetti. especially leftover. you have been warned.

sometimes I write for a really long time + then I'm pretty much emotionally drained. my writing is work for me. (you never want to say that my writing isn't actually work, just ask Jessie). just bear with me when I'm on some crazy writing streak.

I listen to music pretty much constantly. it makes me indescribably happy. especially Coldplay. I. love. Coldplay. just go with it, okay? and if you like heavy metal, please don't play it in front of me. I try to appreciate other people's music, but I can't deal with heavy metal. I'm sorry. (I mean, I guess I could try to bear it. just for you).

oh, and I like rap. you are allowed to laugh at me when I rap along with Lecrae, but only in amazement at my rapping abilities. hahaha.

I am not a morning person. I despise mornings even more than I despise doing laundry. I'm really mean in the mornings sometimes. (more like all the time, but it's whatever). I'll try hard not to bite your head off, but I'll just go ahead and say I'm sorry in advance. in the morning, it's just best to not speak to me for a bit after I wake up, and probably don't mess with my hair. that usually doesn't end well. you could always make me coffee though...

I lay awake in bed at night for an hour or two. I start thinking and it all goes downhill from there. if I say something really random, don't let it bother you. my brain is working overtime. I may also randomly get up and write stuff down on a piece of paper, so I won't forget it the next morning. just so you know.

I hate cats. please never ask me if we can have one. I'll pull the "I'm extremely allergic" card if I have to. I'm serious. 

I love American football. I love it. BUT...if you don't, that's cool. if you're into soccer (the REAL football) or baseball or basketball or hockey that's great. just sit me down + teach me about it. show me how things work in the game. watch games with me + explain them. pretty soon I'll be watching the games whether you are or not. 

I make lists all. the. time. even if they aren't necessary. I buy new notebooks + pens way too often as well. 

I like planning things ahead of time. I like knowing that we are going to do such and such a thing at such and such a time. with that being said, spontaneous adventures now + then would be fine I guess because that's what Moms does to me all the time. 

I feel most loved when people buy me things. I feel selfish saying that but you should know. when someone sees something + thinks of me + gets it for me, that makes me feel more loved than anything else. 

I need personal space sometimes. approach with caution. hahaha. 

if I say "honey" in a really sweet voice you can pretty much bet your bottom dollar that I want something I don't need. 

90% of the time when I'm crying there is no good reason. I'm just crying to cry. it doesn't make sense, but that's that. 

if I ever say "oh go jump in a lake!" when I'm aggravated, please don't get offended or take me seriously. I don't really want you to jump in a lake. well, maybe not...

I'm such a sarcastic person. I say sarcastic...okay, let's face it, downright mean things without even thinking. hopefully you can help me be a nicer person. 

my family is crazy. that's all I'm gonna say about that.

you should never, ever mention the Power Rangers in front of Moms. please. just don't do it. trust me on this one. 

I have an incredibly weak stomach. I can handle blood, but only to a certain extent. I cannot handle deep wounds. (I just found this out last week when I almost passed out after John-boy cut his head open. ugh). 

the thought of having children TERRIFIES me. but I also really want kids. so be prepared for spells of "I wish we had kids" closely followed by spells of "we are NEVER having children." 

if I have to get up early for some reason, be prepared for much whining + complaining. (remember how much I hate mornings?)

I have this weird obsession with brushing my teeth. I take really good care of my teeth. it gets a little ridiculous at times.

sometimes I'm going to say things that make no sense. there's no explanation for that. (my hair is naturally blonde though if that helps at all haha)

I'm an incredibly indecisive human. I can't even pick out a bag of chips. it's ridiculous. you're definitely going to have to make ALL the decisions. and I literally mean all.

chances are that I will buy body wash for myself + then only use your's. I do it to Jamie all the time.

that's all I can think of for now. if I haven't completely scared you away at this point, just know that at least I'm loyal + trustworthy + love you a lot. I think you're swell + I'll make sure and tell you that often.

peace out, boy scout. (I say things like that a lot. don't judge). 

there and back again 2014: camp days

(instead of writing an individual post about every camp day, I just tried to sum it all up in one post. so this is the first post in my Slovakia recap! hope you enjoy).


I smiled a lot during those five days. I also yawned a lot, because let's be honest, I was hardly sleeping at all. (I could've gone to bed before midnight, but what's the fun in that?) I laughed at the antics of those kids that were outgoing + slightly rambunctious + troublesome. I repeated Slovak words after the kids in my group, trying to get them just right. I ran up + down the school stairs countless times. I walked out into the courtyard, breathing in the fresh air + listening to the teens talk during discussion group. I drank lots of Kofola during the course of the day. I followed my kids into the cafeteria, teasing + joking while we stood in the lunch line. I talked to Pica in the hallway, + helped Mrs. Donna + David with afternoon activities. I carried Andrej's and Juli's little girl around the hallway, trying to get her to stop crying.

this is what assembly looked like every morning

 I talked to Jakub + Lukas, + hid from Misko, who liked to intimidate me. I had David Cekov translate what the kid's were trying to tell me, + we laughed a lot at their silly speeches.

I walked with my arm around Dominika, one of the little girls in my group, and called for Denis to stop running for the hundred and eighteenth time. I said the Slovak word for five over + over so that I would remember the way it was pronounced. The kids laughed at me as I spoke.

the cafeteria

I ate a lot of good lunches during those camp days. I carried some of my kids' trays to the counter when they were finished + usually David Cekov or David Mocan would take care of my tray for me. 

I kept up with which of my kids were where, as best as I could. I followed Denis out into the hallway, telling him to come back to class. He just grinned at me. I usually had to get one of the Slovaks to make him come back to class. 

my kiddos

 I wrote down my kids names: Alexandra, Leah, Vanesa, Laura, Dominika, Michael, Patricia, Johanka, Martin, Misko + Denis. I thought that writing them might help me remember, but unfortunately, I still called them the wrong names all week.

I handed out blue camp t shirts and we posed for pictures. I laughed as they made comments in Slovak about how big the t shirts were. (We ran out of smalls too soon). We all gathered together and somehow fit all 62 kids + all the leaders into one picture.

discussion group 

I helped Lenka with doing the motions for the songs in assembly. We laughed + clapped when the kids did them along with us. We sang loudly, trying to keep up with Pica + the two David's. The kids cheered and shouted 'hoorah, hoorah, hoorah!' at the end of each day. 

We went to the pool one day. I didn't swim, choosing to supervise instead. I wore Vierka's wedding + engagment ring for her so she wouldn't lose them. I joked with David Cekov that she had left him for a water slide. The kids splashed each other + dunked each other + tried to get me wet even though I wasn't in the pool.


We ate ice cream cones after being in the pool for a few hours. I can't remember what flavor I got, but it tasted good. It was so cold and made the warm day slightly more bearable.

The kids loved to poke me in the side because they knew I was extremely ticklish. They would poke me and laugh when I jumped or squealed. It got to be slightly annoying (okay, very annoying) by the end of the week.

 I had a sheet of paper that said who each of my kids was supposed to be dismissed to. Grandparents, aunts, mothers, and a few could walk home alone. It was almost impossible to keep up at the end of the day with who was where and who should be with whom. But somehow, all my kids always got home safely. That was always a relief.

Lots of hugs were exchanged at the end of the week. Lots of pictures were taken. I cried as we took all the decorations down + put the school back the way we found it. It was so hard to leave + to have the kids leave.

Those 5 days at camp can be summed up in a few words, I think: hard + wonderful + fun + tiring + magical. All at the same time. I'm very thankful for that school + those kids + the ability to have taken part two years in a row.

me, Jakub + Maddie

me, Lukas, + Maddie

the last day of camp

the entire group of kids + leaders

there and back again 2014: pre-mission trip depression

post mission trip depression is very real. or as my friend, Amy, once called it, 'mission trip detox.' it's real + it hurts + it can last for months...or in my case, an entire year. but, that  isn't what I wanted to talk to you about in this post; I wanted to talk to you about PRE-mission trip depression. 

it all started in December of 2012. something happened in my life, right before my 18th birthday. something that doesn't need to be shared + it really doesn't matter what it was. it left me hurt, sad, and really unhappy. I hadn't seen it coming + when it did, it really affected me negatively. 

I didn't get over it, either. I didn't have time to process those emotions, because, before I could, something else happened. my best friend told me she wasn't allowed to speak to me anymore. there was a reason, but really, it doesn't matter what it was. I was angry + again, really hurt + upset. I had never had many friends + so losing her seemed like the end of the world. 

I didn't get over that either. in February I was accused of doing something I didn't do by two families in my church, the church my family had been attending for 15 years. I was completely innocent, but nothing was ever done to prove that innocence, even though we took it to the pastors of the church. and so, before we knew it, we had left the church + were left without a church home. 15 years of going to the same church will make it very difficult to leave. plus, I should mention that my two "best friends" were the ones who accused me of doing the horrible thing. so there's that. 

I didn't get over that either. but I learned something about myself. I'm excellent at faking it. everyone (except maybe my parents) thought I was just fine. I 'adapted well' and seemed 'to handle change really well.' ha. ha. ha. I laughed at those comments when the people turned their backs. 

I was in a rough spot, emotionally, mentally, spiritually. on top of everything, I was trying to prepare for a trip to Slovakia. the timing seemed so inconvenient. meetings + raising support just seemed really trivial in comparison with everything that was happening + had happened. I started to view Slovakia as my escape. I wanted to go simply so I could get away from bad memories. but God had a different plan. 

that trip to Slovakia changed my life. I say that all the time, on my blog as well as in real life. and I mean it. I really do. it didn't just change one day of my life or change my future...it literally changed my entire life. you want to know why? let me explain:

it changed my past. I hadn't worked through any of those emotions I was feeling. I hadn't allowed myself to feel pain or grief or be angry or forgive. I did that while I was in Slovakia. (in 2013 AND 2014). I looked back on everything that had happened and I saw how God had protected me from certain situations and I saw that even though the things that happened were totally crappy, I had grown because of them. I cried a lot while I was in Slovakia. this year while I was there, I told my friend David the whole story of everything that happened at my old church. just laying it all out felt so good. 

it changed my present. while I was there, I felt Jesus' presence in a way I never had before. I realized how much I loved Him + just how much He was doing through me + in me. it changed the way I viewed people + the way I wanted to treat them. 

it changed my future. my biggest dream had always just been to get married + have kids, and yes, that's still a big dream of mine...but after being in Slovakia, I discovered a new dream. I want to do longer term missions in Slovakia and see how God can use me there. I want to spend more than 12 days in Nove Zamky. 

my pre-mission trip depression was very real, y'all. as real as my post-mission trip depression. I don't use the term depression lightly either. ask my family. before + after that Slovakia trip, I was in a rough place. it was really hard + it's not something I would wish on anyone. BUT...there is beauty in the mess, and that beauty for me turned out to be a country called Slovakia. 

for the record, I'm not saying that you should pack up your bags and go to Slovakia if you're in a rough place. maybe you should just sit + listen + wait for God to heal your heart in His own timing. it took me over a year and a half to find complete healing from those things that happened. I wasn't completely over it all until this summer when I was in Slovakia again. sometimes, I think, God allows us to hurt for longer so that we discover our need for Him. and also, maybe it's so we can fall in love with something new, with someone new, or with some place that's new. 

at least, that's what happened with me. 

summer + big stuff + a whole heck of a lot of pictures

hey you beautiful humans, you. I'm back! if you remember this post, I said that I would be devoting time to blogging when I got back from my trip to Slovakia. and I fully intend to live up to that. so I'm here to tell you a little bit about everything that has gone on lately and then we'll be moving on to some upcoming topics of conversation here on my little blog.

so some big stuff has happened in this girl's life since I got back from Slovakia on July 20th. crazy, big things. it's really exciting and crazy and God is really working and it's so so good. so I obviously want to share that with you guys.


big thing number ONE: I officially graduated high school. after 15+ years of schooling (yes, 15+), my school days are behind me. I could just cry from happiness. and because my family believes in really celebrating things, they dumped a bag of confetti over my head. (it took me a week to get all that confetti out of my hair!)

big thing number TWO:

I got a job! I actually started on July 31st, and it's been absolutely wonderful. I am working as a bookkeeper for a family friend. he makes cabinets and stuff and I do his computer work and pay the bills and such and it's great. I love it. it's great how God hears our prayers. I was actually praying on my long flight home that I would be able to find another job when I got home and then this presented itself and it's just what I wanted and it's great.

my office (it's in a warehouse without air conditioning and it's dusty from the cabinet-making but i love it)

big thing number THREE: I am just really enjoying life. this summer was a great one.

my best friends (Lawson and Maddie) bought me that. it made me happy.

slovak/romanian/ukranian and american team (more slovakia stuff coming soon!)

we went to a water park and it was AWESOME

my girl Maddie. she's the best

that's my very tall and very awesome friend Gabe (he went to slovakia this year)

late night sonic runs with the kiddos and Moms

so basically my summer was made up of Slovakia + food + milkshakes + sleeping in + sonic runs + church + hanging out with Maddie + Lawson + a Slovakia reunion with some of my American team mates +keeping up with my friends in Europe + reading + working on my novel + LOTS of music. it's been amazing, guys. A-M-A-Z-I-N-G. 

that's basically my life up til now. and obviously, it's great, but just like last year, it was super hard adjusting to life in the States. I miss Slovakia very, very much and can't wait to go back (I'm already making big plans for next year, that I can't wait to tell you about!), but for now, God has me here for a reason and I'm determined to be happy and make the most of it. 

up next on the blog will most likely be some Slovakia recaps. I might not go into as much detail as I did last year (depending on you guys and what you want to know about! let me know!)but still just letting you know how things went. and then we will move on to some other posts, including subjects such as modesty, Harry Potter, music and the like. I'm pretty excited about it. 

but for now, I'm off to work on some posts, and make sure my siblings aren't drowning out in the pool. I hope your weekend is absolutely fantastic and that you enjoy your holiday on Monday! love y'all! 

a guest post from my favorite Amy.

hiii guys! I'm currently sitting on a bed in Nové Zámky! it's awesome to be back and I'm so happy I could cry. anyway. I have a guest post for you guys today because this girl is amazing. she loves Jesus and has a heart for His people. be sure and show her blog some love! talk to ya later! 

//

Hi! My name is Amy, and I blog over at Sweet Home Santa Barbara. I'm so delighted to be guest posting for Jennifer while she's on her mission trip. Can't wait to hear all the stories, and praise God for them when she gets back!

When she asked me if I would guest post, she mentioned that it could be a post I had already written. Off I went, searching through my archives, when I landed on this puppy that was originally published in The Charming Magazine. If you follow me, you know that the Lord recently blessed my socks off by leading me into a relationship with this dream boat: 

I loved rereading this post, and I realized that this advice isn't just for dating. It's for anyone, in any season, and it certainly resonated for me. I hope it blesses you, too!

***

I was the girl who was always looking for a boyfriend. 

The girl who bounced from relationship to relationship, swearing to myself that each man was my future husband. 

I envisioned my future as a young newlywed, always assuming that I would be married in my early twenties. 

Well, here I am, 23 years old and far from marriage. Not even dating anyone currently. 

And you know what? I've learned more about dating in the last year and a half that I've been single, than I ever did in a relationship. 

So coming from someone who likes to learn everything the hard way, I give you my advice on dating:

1. You are enough. 

Yes, you. You are enough. More than enough, even! 

You are wonderful, beautiful, unique, incredible. All on your own. 

A relationship isn't meant to add to what's missing in your life, you are meant to add to the strength of the relationship. And in order to add to the relationship, you have to know your own worth. 

Do you know your own worth? Do you know that you are fearfully and wonderfully made by the Creator of the universe? Do you know that the King of kings is passionate about having a relationship with you? 

Once you understand that you are enough on your own, your relationship will no longer be a means of validity or self assurance. It will instead, be a wonderful way for you to contribute your strengths to something bigger than yourself.

2. What do you want?

What are you looking for in a significant other? What are you not looking for in a significant other?

It's incredibly important to establish thisbefore getting involved in dating. Once you find yourself with feelings for a person, you'll be amazed at how much you are willing to overlook.

We all have so many unique qualities. We have many strengths, and we also have weaknesses. It's not a bad thing to be specific about what you are looking for in a relationship. It's a good thing!

Make a list of strengths that you want in a significant other. Make a list of deal breakers. And remind yourself of that list when you start dating people. 

 It may take time to find a person who fits what you're looking for, but it will be worth the wait!

3. Talk, talk, talk.

You've heard it before, I'm sure. It's all about communication. And you want to open those doors as soon as possible. It might be easy to keep things surface level for a bit there, but sooner or later you will face challenging things in your relationship. And you will have to talk about them. 

Talk about the future. If all goes well, that future will include both of you. So where do you see yourself living? Do you want to have kids? If so, how many? 

I'm not saying whip out these serious topics on the first date, but sometime before walking down the aisle is preferable. 

And while on the topic of communication, talk about your feelings. Did something happen that made you upset? Talk about it. 

I will be the first to raise my hand and say that I dread confrontation. But a good communication system is key to developing a strong relationship. So time to talk it out!

4. It's not a competition.

"You are not in competition with your friends."

That advice was given to me not too long ago, and I think it's some of the best dating advice I've ever been given. 

Even though it has nothing to do with a dating relationship, it has everything to do with human nature, in general. We live in a world that tells us we are all competing for the same things. We're competing for the best jobs, the best houses, the best bodies, and the list goes on and on. 

Dating is not a competition. There is no right or wrong timeline involved. Take the pressure off yourself, and realize that everyone's love story is going to look different. The goal is the same for all of us: a happy ending. But we are notcompeting with one another to get there. 

Let go of that competitive nature, and enjoy the fact that we are all walking through this journey together. Laugh over your dating mishaps with your friends, and celebrate with each other as you enter different seasons. 

5. Have fun!

Relationships are not supposed to be stressful. At some points, of course you will encounter stressful moments. But your relationship should not be consistently causing you stress, like mine used to. 

Relax! Remember that you are enough on your own, and trust that things will work out as they're supposed to. 

Once you've both confirmed that this relationship is what you want, rest assured that communicating will carry you through the hard stuff. 

Enjoy your relationship! Remember thatit's not a competition, and just have fun getting to know one another. 

Dating can be stressful, but it can also be fun. Focus on the fun. 

And last but not least, make sure that you enjoy this season! Because it won't last forever :)

Sweet Home Santa Barbara

this is a good story. you should read it.

let me tell you a story (about a man named Jed...)

once upon a time I stayed up until 2:30 a.m. on March 8th, 2014 in order to finish a short story. the story was called, quite simply, "jackson and june." (no capital letters were used in this story cause it was late and the words came way too fast).

jackson and june is the story of a boy and girl who spend the summer together in a small town called Camden. jackson is funny, sweet, kind, polite, everything you would expect a perfect boy to be. june is sweet, pretty, and likes coffee, books and wildflowers. in the end, you find out that june is mute, but for the entire story, all you know is that they swim and read books and have a jolly good time together.

this short story is different from anything I've ever written because there's so much that isn't told. I never really describe the characters physical features, or tell you anything about their backgrounds; and at the end of the story, you are left wondering what ever happens to them. but oddly, its the best one I've ever written.

ANYWAY...on to my original story....

last night, I was at Chick-fil-a  my home away from home, with Jessie, Holly and Abby, (sister and two best friends). Holly stepped up to the counter to place her order and I stood to her left, at a different register. when the guy at Holly's register spoke to her, I thought to myself, "oh my gosh, he has jackson's voice! that's how I hear it in my head!" so I looked over at this guy and blinked several times because he LOOKED just like jackson, and as he took Holly's order, he WAS jackson. his mannerisms, the grin, everything. it was him.

at this point I'm like 'whoa! so crazy that he looks and talks like him!' and then I placed my order (#5 eight count with a large cherry coke, in case you wondered) and as the girl made my cherry coke, I looked over at the guy and happened to see his name tag for the first time...

the end.

just kidding. his name was jackson. at this point, my whole world flipped upside down. I legit freaked out on the inside and took my cherry coke and food. I walked over to Holly, Abby and Jessie and just said, "that dude is Jackson! from jackson and june! it's him!!!" they (all having read the story) turned and looked at him (subtly of course) and were like "omg it totally is!"

basically my mind was completely blown. and it still is. a dude I thought I had completely made up is now working at the Chick-fil-a in my town. it's scary. my sister who is infinitely braver than me had the guts to go up to the counter and ask Jackson for his picture because, (as she told him after he was like "ummm whyyyyyy?")," my sister wrote a story about a guy and you are the guy. name, looks, everything. you are him!"

through much peer pressure they made me talk to him, because "this might never happen again! you HAVE to talk to him!!" and I went to the counter to "get a refill" and managed to say "so are you new here?" and he said "I am new here" (insert Jackson's adorable grin here) and I said, "I thought so. I'm in here a lot and I usually notice new people" (insert one more grin). then I thanked him for my refill and he said "my pleasure" with one more grin for good measure.

I was so done with everything at this point. I'm pretty sure I was lame to be with after that, because my mind was so boggled that I literally just kept saying "what the heck? he's real! oh my gosh!!" over and over again. sorry Abby, Holly and Jessie.

anyway. that is the story of how, on June 27th, I met one of my story characters in a chick-fil-a in Beaufort, South Carolina. still not exactly sure how the heck it happened, but it did and even though it's really freaky, it's pretty darn cool.

and sorry random chick-fil-a dude named jackson for probably freaking you out by taking your picture and asking you questions and being weird. thanks for being cool about it!

happy weekend friends!